Happy Birthday

Today is a special someones birthday.  No, it’s not mine.

Also, I apologize I haven’t been writing much lately.  Writing leads to thinking.  This sadly hasn’t gotten much easier.

I’m changing rapidly inside and it’s not in a good way.  I’ve unintentionally grown much darker, colder, and further from you all.  My old dreams are now dying, yet no goals are taking their place.  I used to want love but now I know that it’s hopeless, I’m not meant for it.  I’ll just lose you.  There will always be someone better, I’ll always be too romantic, or you won’t possess the ability to care about me after a few months.

You may be thinking I’m over reacting, but when it happens around one hundred times it becomes extremely difficult to argue with it.   The scariest part is that nothing is replacing everything about me that is changing.  I just feel empty, not enjoying anything.  Not video games, movies, or books interest me now.  I’m not even really depressed I don’t think, this is just how I am now.  Without real feelings.

I look to my right, I look to my left, but even if someone is there next to me I can’t see or feel them.  This is what it’s like to really be alone.  Loves as well as friends, I’m slipping away from.

Someday, I hope to be repaired again.

Happy Birthday.

-That One Person


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